Its funny, you think you’re healed. You think that after time (and therapy), you are whole again. You settle into your life, all new and shiny. The abuse and degradation you faced with that last man are now just scars, reinforcement in the armor you now wear with pride. You survived! You made it! Or did you?
One simple phrase or even a tone of voice can send you spiraling back through time. Back to where you were stupid, ignored, ugly and unimportant. Back to when you thought that maybe, just maybe, he was right and you were a worthless waste of life. Back to where you don’t ever want to be again.
Now I’m with a man who loves me, and shows me it every day. He likely has no clue that his comment even affected me in any way. It was after all, benign, harmful in that it was vaguely reminiscent of daily scoldings at the hand of a man who lived to bring me down. One sentence, and a relevant one at that; but enough to transport this gal back in time.
How do you tell him that a simple comment brings you to tears, without him thinking you are a nut job? How do we keep the insecurities of our past from sabotaging our future? If we ever want a stable relationship, what is the answer to keeping the past where it belongs?
For now I shall cry it out, shake it off and start researching therapists.
Sleep well folks and don’t let the past bite you in the ass.